The Persuasion of Him by luminatina

I said I didn't want to
And he said he understood
He said it didn't matter
But I knew it probably would.
He told me it wasn't important
That he'd love me either way.
It felt so good to hear that,
But he tried again that day.
He said, "But I'm your boyfriend
We've been together for so long.
It's been two weeks since I've seen you
I don't get it— what's wrong?"

It's not as though I'm innocent,
But the timing wasn't right.
He told me not to be self-conscious
As he turned off the light.
I lay down submissively
Hating myself inside.
He asked if I was okay,
I looked at him and lied.

When I told him I didn't feel well
He said he'd make it quick
I wanted to feel love
But all I felt was sick.
After it was finally over
I walked to the bathroom mirror.
The vision that was once a blur
Had become a whole lot clearer.
As I tried to rationalize my actions,
I took one look at myself and knew
That what was left was a small fraction
And there was nothing I could do.

I still believe he loves me,
My words just weren't so clear.
My voice can be soft,
Maybe he just didn't hear.